


Some days are better than other days

by tdcdylan



Category: The Maze Runner Series - James Dashner
Genre: Boyfriends, Comforting Thomas, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sad Newt (Maze Runner), Supportive Thomas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-12 23:14:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29517246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tdcdylan/pseuds/tdcdylan
Summary: On some days, Thomas would come home and find Newt sitting at the table, eating a sandwich and reading a book. On other days, the curtains would be closed, or rather, not even opened, and Newt was nowhere to be found.
Relationships: Newt/Thomas (Maze Runner)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 23





	1. It comes and goes

Some days are better than other days. 

On some days, Thomas would come home and find Newt sitting at the table, eating a sandwich and reading a book. On other days, the curtains would be closed, or rather, not even opened, and Newt was nowhere to be found. 

Things had changed since the beginning of their relationship. They fell in love and almost instantly moved in together. They were so happy and giddy and giggling all the time. Their great group of friends actively supporting them in everything they did. Everything went so well. Until Newt lost his job. And on top of that his grandmother. 

Thomas knew that Newts job hadn’t meant everything to him. They had talked about it for many hours when Newt thought about quitting. He liked it, made some great friends, like Minho and Alby, but Thomas knew that Newt also felt like it wouldn’t be his final destination. Turned out quitting wasn’t necessary in the end. But the real real thing that got him like this was the passing of his grandmother.

Newts family hadn’t been supportive when he came out as gay to them. His grandmother was his only support for a very long time, always being there for him during all the ups and downs of his youth. Thomas didn’t know everything about it, but he trusted Newt to tell him when the time was right. All he knew for know was that since her passing, Newt was spiraling down into a big black hole, and Thomas had no idea how to fix it. 

It started off small. 

The first few days, Newt looked pale, had dark circles under his eyes and would snuggle up to Thomas whenever he couldn’t deal anymore. The grief always clear on his face. Thomas found himself cuddling the blonde more often, trying to be as supportive as he could. He took the rest of the week off from work and they were together all the time sharing intimate moments were Newt cried for hours and Thomas tried to comfort, trying to help his boyfriend accept his loss. Back then, Newt wasn’t ashamed and just let himself cry. There was a lot of shit to deal with and the meetings with his family members didn’t quite help Newt process things. 

Right after the funeral, there was a short time where Newt seemed to have found himself again. He started dressing up again, even made himself and Thomas breakfast on a random Tuesday morning and seemed to want to prove that he was doing just fine. 

But grief comes and goes, like the waves of the ocean. And neither of them were prepared for the flood that would follow.

After that weekend, Thomas had to get back to work. His boss was literally the best, but he really couldn’t give him any more time off. He’d asked Newt over and over if he would be fine, only getting reassuring answers out of the blonde. Which led them to the current events. Thomas entering their still dark apartment, Newt nowhere to be found.

Thomas threw his keys on the small cupboard in the hallway, took off his shoes and padded to the dark kitchen, only to find a dirty plate and an empty coffee mug on the counter. He sighed in relief. At least he had eaten something. 

After making himself a quick dinner, he took off his clothes and stepped into the shower. He’d never felt this helpless in his whole life. 

Growing up in an unstable family himself, he never got to know his grandparents. He only has his mother and his younger sister, which is more than enough, if you’d asked him. But it would’ve been nice to have some experience in losing people, or more importantly, dealing with people who have lost someone. He just felt like he wasn’t enough for his boyfriend at this period in time. Newt barely came out of bed on some days, didn’t eat and if he felt really bad, even blocked Thomas out completely. And all Thomas wanted, was to be there for him, comfort him, hold him and give him a chance to let everything out without being ashamed by it. But he couldn’t force him of course, that was the hardest part. He wanted to respect Newts boundaries, but he also wanted to shake him and scream at him at some times, as a reaction on the empty feeling he got from seeing his lover like this. 

He pressed the palms of his hands into his eyes, as if that was going to help him block out the train of thought running through his brain. It didn’t. Of course it didn’t. Angry with himself, he turned off the shower, wrapped a towel around his waist and made his way to their small shared bedroom, heart heavy. 

The room was dark except for a strip of light, coming from the lantern outside. The window was ajar and a soft evening breeze filled the room. Exactly how Thomas left it this morning. He changes into a loose shirt and underwear and focuses on the bed, seeing only a mop of messy blond hair peeking out above the pile of blankets. 

‘Hey, are you in there?,’ Thomas asked softly, as he crawled onto his side of the bed, careful not to shuffle around too much and laid down facing the bump. He waited, warily reaching out to stroke the unruled mop of blond hair. 

‘Hey, Tommy,’ the quiet voice of his boyfriend answered. Newt turned over, facing Thomas and looked at him with his sad brown eyes.  
Thomas thanked the lords for this, seeing that Newt decided to not shut him completely out today, although his face screamed that he didn’t really want to talk about it. 

‘Do you mind if I join you?’ Thomas asked carefully, still trying to read Newts mood while at the same time trying be as comforting as possible.  
Newt shrugged, but lifted the blanket up nevertheless.

As soon as Thomas got under the covers, they fell into their usual position. Newt snuggled up against his, face pressed into Thomas’ chest, Thomas wrapping his arms around Newt protectively, gently kissing the top of his head from time to time.  
‘How have you been doing today? I saw that you came out of bed to eat,’ Thomas said, trying to get a better view on how exactly Newts felt without breaking his boundaries. 

‘It was still the only bloody thing I managed to do today,’ Newt mumbled, face tilting a little so his voice wouldn’t get lost into Thomas’ shirt.  
‘That doesn’t matter, it’s still progress,’ Thomas assured him, while wrapping him up a bit more closer.  
Again, Newt shrugged, stuffing his face back into Thomas’ chest, breathing out slowly as if trying to control himself. 

‘You know that it’s okay to let it out around me, I love you so much, Newt, and I’m here for you.’

And with that being said, Newt started to break down and Thomas was left to pick up the pieces. Again. For the third night in a row. 

Thomas throat tightened as Newt tried to keep his tears inside, but Thomas could still hear him weep. He held Newt so close it had to hurt by now, but the blonde didn’t seem to mind. Newt cried for at least twenty minutes before the sobs died down, breath still hitching and leaving Thomas’ shirt with stains of wetness. Thomas shuffled a bit away from him, trying to get a look at his face, but Newt turned away from him, not meeting his eyes.  
‘I’m so sorry for being like this, Tommy,’ Newt managed to bring out, voice unstable and eyes puffed up from the crying, looking everywhere but at his brown haired boyfriend. ‘I just don’t know anymore. She was always there for me, in good and in the bad times and now I just — I’m sorry for being so weak.’ 

‘Hey, hey,’ Thomas said quickly, shaken, but not surprised by this sudden outburst. This happend lately every time when Newt recovered from a breakdown. He started to feel ashamed of himself and Thomas hated it even more than the breakdown itself.  
‘No, for real, Tommy, I’m so fucking sorry. You shouldn’t have to go through this.’ And with that, Newt turned away from him, hiding himself and crawling back into his pile of blankets, leaving Thomas on the outside. 

And with that, Thomas knew that was it for tonight. Newt wouldn’t let him in anymore. Not tonight. He felt tears prickling behind his own eyes, trying to keep them in. He got up once more, closed the curtains and glanced over the now dark room. Tomorrow would be a new day. And tomorrow they would really need to talk.


	2. Overwhelming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The moment Newt turned away from his boyfriend, he knew he’d made a mistake. This wasn’t the first time he’d turned away from him, but he felt Thomas drowning on the outside, trying to compose himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I decided to split it up in three chapters rather than in two, because apparently I can't do a lot of information at the time before my own head starts to explode. Anyways, enjoy!!

The moment Newt turned away from his boyfriend, he knew he’d made a mistake. This wasn’t the first time he’d turned away from him, but he felt Thomas drowning on the outside, trying to compose himself. 

The bed moved. Shit, Tommy was leaving him, shit shit _shit_. He heard him close the curtains, followed by a silence in which Newt didn’t dare to move. Then he felt the bed denting again, blankets being thrown and the silence returned. 

——

The following morning Newt woke up in an empty bed, and that sight alone made him hate himself even more. What if he really had pushed him away this time?

He rearranged himself on his back, staring at the ceiling, trying to decide what the fuck he was going to do next. How he was going to fix this bloody mess he, once again, had created. 

It wasn’t just the funeral that got him like this. He knew that much, he just didn’t want to admit it to Thomas.  
It was all the events at once. He’d lost his job, which was fine, he would find a new one. His grandmothers passing hit him harder, but even that was something he could cope with, on some level. He loved her so much but she was old and the last time he’d visited her, they both kind of knew that it would be the last time. 

But Newt couldn’t handle the rest of his family. Not so all at once after not seeing them for months, hell, even more than a year now. He had felt their spiteful gazes at the condolence and how they ignored him during the service. Like they didn’t know him. Like he was nothing. Not since he came out to them. 

He’d had insisted Tommy to stay at home and not join him for the funeral. They both didn’t like that and he felt Thomas pushing his questions away when Newt had spoken out his decision. He had barely told him anything about his old home situation yet, feeling that it wasn’t that important anymore, but also scared that Thomas would leave him, which wouldn’t be the first time that would happen. 

Around the same time he came out to his family, Newt had his first boyfriend, Ben. It was a lot of exploring, making out and a lot less talking. Which was exactly the problem. Newt started to have mental breakdowns due to the way his family treated him after he came out, he couldn’t get out of bed in the morning and Ben just didn’t know how to deal with that. They didn’t talk about it, but they grew apart within a week. Newt had pushed him away. Ashamed of himself and blaming himself for being a burden, a failure, who didn’t deserve any of them anyways. 

Thank god he moved out when he started uni, so he had time to process everything, and could really discover himself. He felt better and the contact with his family got less and less, except for his grandmother. 

He and Thomas had met in their last year of college, during a pre-graduation party. Newt spotted him at the bar and they instantly connected. Turned out they both lived on the same campus, but Thomas would move away to a tiny appartment closer to the city.  
After three months of spending a lot of time together, Thomas had asked him to live with him and Newt couldn’t have been happier. His past forgotten, family out of the picture and really living his dream. 

But now, about one year later, history was repeating itself. And Newt couldn’t let that happen. 

With a sigh, Newt sat up, throwing the blankets away and walked to the slightly ajar door of the tiny bedroom. He peeked through it and saw Thomas sitting at their kitchen table, head in his hands, cup of black coffee in front of him. 

After admiring the sight for a moment, it occurred to him that the light, which always surrounded his boyfriend, didn’t seem to be there this morning. _Hell, this was all his fault._  
Newt softly pushed the door open a little bit further, making it squeak. Thomas looked up, hair messed up and looking like he hadn’t slept a wink. 

_Shit._

‘Hey’, Newt mumbled, not sure whether to enter of just stand in the doorway. 

‘Hey, good morning’, was the soft reply he got. And Newt took that as a cue. He didn’t know how to express himself anyways at the moment. He shuffled to him, observing him carefully, then dropped down on Thomas’ lap, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend neck, hiding his head there too and just held on tightly. And after a moment of hesitation, he felt Thomas’ strong arms wrap around him too, holding him together for what might be the thousandth time. 

‘I’m so glad you’re out of bed, Newt,’ Thomas murmured after a minute or so into his ear, ‘would you like some coffee as well?’ He slowly unwrapped his arms from the blonde, looking at him expectantly. Newt nodded and moved to the other chair. 

‘I took the day off today, it’s time for us to talk, Newt,’ Thomas said, voice changing to sweet to serious while making coffee. ‘I know you don’t want to, but I can’t do this any longer.’  
Newt felt himself shrink with each word. This was it. He was going to explain everything and then Thomas would break up with him and he would end up alone.  
‘Yeah, I know’, was all he could bring out due to the lump forming in his throat. 

_God, I’m so sorry, Tommy._

Thomas put a fresh cup of coffee in front of him and sat down opposite of him, observing him carefully. Newt pulled the cup towards him, anything to distract himself from the sweet brown eyes he couldn’t meet right now. Still looking down, he tried to pluck up the courage to start the conversation, but all he managed was letting out a shaky breath, slowly burning his fingers on the cup because he didn’t dare to let it go. 

‘Okay, don’t bloody interrupt me, Tommy,’ he managed to say as an opening line. And then he started talking. Telling him everything about his family, who didn’t approve of him, telling him how his grandmother accepted him, which was why he was so shaken up with her death. Telling him about Ben, even giving him the details about how things went down at the end. 

‘And _shit_ , Tommy, I just don’t know how to do it. Some days I feel fine, but other days just suck so hard, and it’s all so overwhelming that I don’t know how to manage anymore. Hell, i don’t even know if this is even worth it. But then you came around and things got so much better. And now it’s happening all over again and I know it can get so much worse than this and I just see you carrying a burden with you and you deserve so so much better than me,’ Newt rambled, not even sure if he could ever stop again.  
‘Seeing my family at the funeral triggered me so bad and I know I shouldn’t care but I do, and I hate it,’ he finished. He breathed out, finally daring to look up. 

Thomas was staring at him with a heart wrenching look on his face. 

‘Shit, Newt, why the fuck didn’t you tell me?!’

‘Because I don’t want you to leave just like Ben did. I won’t be able to handle that.’ Newt said unsure, softness returning to his voice. ‘I love you too much for that.’

A silence fell at the kitchen table. Their eyes meeting above now cold coffee. 

‘I just, — I need some time to think about this, Newt. I, I don’t really know what to say’, Thomas stuttered. He looked at the blonde, who was now burying his head in his hands.  
‘Hey, look at me. Look at me, Newt. I’m not going to leave you. I promise. I just need some time to think.’ 

Thomas got up from the table, still looking at Newt, hand messing up his brown hair, ‘I’ll be right back’. 

And Newt felt himself implode. He got up, dragged himself to the couch and curled himself up in a ball for the what felt like umpteenth time these days. 

He definitely scared him away. Shit, he fucked up. _Shit._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was probably full of mistakes as I didn't read it over and over this time. If you see any major errors, don't hesitate to point them out to me, and let me know your thoughts in the comments! :)


	3. Figuring it out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why didn’t he tell me? Why the fuck didn’t he say anything?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter is up, sorry for the slightly longer wait!

Why didn’t he tell me? Why the fuck didn’t he say anything?

Thomas’ mind was a pool of angry, non-understanding questions and he couldn’t deal with it. He had to get out. Had to think. He looked at the blonde, who had now curled himself into a ball on the couch, staring into nothing, expecting him to leave and to never return. 

He himself stood besides the table, debating on going out or going for another quick, helpless shower, like the one he had yesterday. But the longer Thomas stood there, the more he just wanted this to be over. He felt the anger ebbing away and change into the drained, exhausted feeling he had felt all night long, when Newt had shut him out. All the emotion knotted up in his throat, forming a big lump which he tried to ignore, but he couldn’t do it anymore. 

His knees buckled and he was forced to sit down again, defeated. His usual mindset to be strong in front of Newt faded way too quickly for his liking, but he couldn’t hold it up anymore. He felt the tears prickling behind his eyes and he decided then and there that they were going to fall anyways, so he let them. 

From the corner of his eyes, he saw Newt shift on the couch, changing his position, noticing that Thomas hadn’t left. He looked over at the blonde, trying to smile through his tears. He felt himself failing at it. 

‘Tommy, will you please come here?’ Newt asked softly, careful. Thomas felt that Newt still didn’t believe that he hadn’t actually left the apartment by now. 

He stood up from the chair he had fallen in to, wiping his cheeks before walking over to the couch. Newt stretched out his arm hesitantly, but Thomas didn’t wait a second before joining his boyfriend on their grey corner sofa. 

‘I’m so sorry for reacting like that, I just—‘.

‘It’s okay, Thomas, I don’t blame you for acting like you did, I would have done the same,’ Newt acknowledged. 

‘It’s just that I wish you’d told me sooner,’ Thomas said, sitting up.   
‘All I want is to be there for you, no matter what happens, but I feel like I’m lacking. It hurts me so much to see you this way, and you shutting me out is taking it’s toll on me and I really don’t blame you, I just wish that you would let me help you.’ Thomas knew he was rambling, but he had to get to Newt. He had to make clear how helpless he was feeling. 

He combed his hand through his hair again, browns strands even more messed up than normal. At least he had gathered himself enough to stop crying.   
‘And I know it’s hard on you, hell, I can’t even imagine how hard it must have been to go through all this and then being abandoned by the one you went through this all for, but I’m not like him, and I will never, ever leave you for something like this. You’re only human, Newt, you don’t have to be ashamed of feeling. And no matter how hard it might be, also for me, I love you endlessly and I will always be there for you.’  
Thomas took a deep breath. Finally it was off his chest. 

Thomas looked up at his boyfriends face, searching for any signs that the message was clear. Two sad browns eyes looked back at him. Thomas cupped Newts face in his hands. 

‘Will you please say something?’

‘I’m so sorry for making you feel so helpless, Tommy,’ Newt brought out, voice rough, slightly leaning into Thomas’ hands. ‘I guess I’m just not used to someone being there for me, even when life sucks. I don’t want you to see this part of me.’

‘But you can’t hide it forever,’ Thomas stated softly, ‘and I’m really glad I know you a little better now.’  
And with that, Thomas wrapped his arms around the slender guy, holding him as tight as possible, pouring all his love into him. 

‘Thanks, Tommy,’ came the blondes voice muffled from inside the embrace. 

After a couple minutes, they let go of each other.   
‘I’m going to take a shower, you going to be okay?’ Thomas asked, searching Newts face for the second time that day. 

‘Yeah, I’m going to make a new cup of coffee, I guess the one on the table is cold by now.’

And so their day together started. They went out for a walk, spring was around the corner and the sun started to show more and more often these days. Newt made a relieved impression on Thomas and he himself was glad that he’d stayed home today. They needed this. A short walk around their neighborhood, holding hands, just being with each other. Because sometimes that is enough. 

— — 

The next day Thomas had to return to work. He woke up, finding Newt curled up against him, almost in the same position as he’d fallen asleep in last night. He snoozed for a bit longer, slowly stroking the blond curls of the guy who was now waking up.

‘Hey you,’ he said affectionately. 

‘Hey, Tommy,’ Newt mumbled, voice thick with sleep.

‘Did you sleep well?’ Thomas asked, observing his boyfriend, while shutting off his alarm, which had begun ringing. 

‘Like a bloody baby, actually,’ Newt said, a content sigh escaping him.   
And it was exactly that that Thomas needed to hear a confirmation that is was okay for him to return to work that day. After a soft kiss, he got up from under the blankets, quickly putting his work clothes on.   
‘Do you want me to make you something for breakfast?’

‘A coffee will do’. 

Of course not everything was fine and fixed in one day, but Thomas felt like they had made big progress since last night. He smiled down at Newt, still laying wrapped up under the covers, but in such a different manner than two nights ago, and he couldn’t help but be immensely proud of his boyfriend. 

They would make it. 

They always did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this as much as I enjoyed writing it! Definitely leave a comment and we'll meet again at my next work, which will probably be hurt/comfort again, since I'm a sucker for it.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! This fic has been on my laptop for ages because I was too scared to post it lmao. If there are any grammatical errors, let me know, since English is not my main language and leave a comment to let me know what you think!


End file.
